Today I made a big discovery. My dad is gay.

I'd like to say, hey dad, cool news, you here, you're queer, I'm used to it!

But I'm not. I'm not used to it one little bit.

Gemma says it's just like being left-handed, or right-handed, or ambidextrous. She's right, I know that, so why am I looking at my father as if he's just grown a second head?

Am I - gulp - a horrible bigoted homophobic hypocrite?

So I've done this test. What if Gemma was gay? Response: no problemo. Sala? Jessie? Daniel? My teachers? Father Donleavy? Kathryn? Response: again, cool. So... I think it's something to do with the dad thing, not the gay thing. I mean, take the left-handed idea for example.

Imagine the two people you've spent your whole life with - your mum and dad - are right-handed. And so are you. It's not that you don't like left-handed people, it's just that you've always known your parents were like you, that's all.

You have a right-handed house with right-handed doors, a right-handed kitchen, and in the drawer are right-handed scissors. You drive right-handed cars on the right side of the road (okay okay, just go with me here...). And none of you even comment on it, 'cos that's just the way things have always been.

Then one day your dad announces that he's not right-handed after all. That actually, he's left-handed, he's just been pretending all these years. He's never really felt he belonged in your right-handed house and right-handed car and right-handed life. So now he's found a left-handed person like him, and they want to hang out being left-handed together. It's not that they don't like right-handers of course, it's just that he's not like you, that's all.

So my question is this: How much far did this pretence go? Was the man who made me scrambled eggs and taught me to ride a bike and killed spiders for me during all those right-handed years pretending about those things too? Was he pretending about everything?

I'm trying to feel sorry for him, imagining him trying so hard to be something he's not, like a square peg in a round hole (actually, that's not the best thing to think about). Thing is, knowing all this has somehow changed the past, as well as the present - that's all.